The Good, the bad, and the ugly....

So last week Hadley had an MRI and ARB performed at UC Children's. I was out of town on business for school, so Brian and Mom went together to be with our sweet girl. Brian called me to tell me that Hadley was doing great, I must say how thankful we are for the amazing staff that worked with her. They had everything done in a few hours and were back on their way home in no time. The audiologist did tell Brian that the ARB results showed severe hearing loss (as we had suspected), not exactly what we wanted to hear though. I guess deep inside I wanted the previous test obtained in China to be wrong. For a moment I allowed myself to cry, no one was watching, just me standing outside my classroom. I had to ask myself "why are you upset Jennifer? You know she can't hear, this isn't new information?" Still it hurts.....I just want her to hear!!!
    Flash back to last November, actually the week prior to our travel. I was standing in my room looking at the suitcases trying to come up with the best way to get everything packed, my phone rings and I see it's AWAA (our agency). They wanted to talk to Brian and I together about new information on Hadley. Praying she was okay first, and then worrying that they were going to stall our trip I didn't know whether to faint or puke. They told us that recent testing had revealed that she has a severe hearing loss, and they need us to reassess our feelings towards a child with a hearing impairment. Our assessment was short, we told them that the fact that she has a hearing impairment doesn't change the fact that she is our daughter, so let's get this show on the road and get our girl home. In this moment I questioned my ability to parent a child who is deaf, not my ability to love her or care for her. Down deep inside fear started to creep in and left me pondering if I would be the best parent for her because I don't know how to sign, would I fail her?
   After returning home, Hadley began to flourish in so many ways. God gave me the confidence that I needed in my ability to parent a child with hearing loss, I set my mind to learn ASL and provide Hadley with every resource available. My daughter will have her needs met, whatever it takes! Hadley's school has been diligent in meeting her needs, and I must say that they all love her so much! It makes me smile everyday when I see the little kids run over and greet her at the door, most of them signing "good morning Hadley!". Makes me wonder "are we teaching her or is she teaching us?" maybe it's both.
   On Wednesday, they called with Hadley's MRI results. I'm not going to give all the details about Hadley, we are protecting her privacy. I will share some of the bits and pieces because I want you all to know, and just maybe it will help another family or child in the future. Hadley's injury (brain bleed) was indeed caused by abuse. More than likely repeated abuse, and probably an injury of being forcefully shaken. Her hearing loss is indeed a result of the brain injury, and is permanent. I have grieved for my daughter's hearing loss since the first day I found out. Now, I'm just MAD!!!!!!! MAD is actually an understatement!!!!! I am furious!!!!!!!! I'm furious that my daughter can't hear because of another person's actions, that someone used force to shake my daughter so severely that she bleed in her brain..........With that being said, I also know that I will forgive that person, not now, but when I'm ready.... I will love Hadley so much that she will know that we will never let anyone else ever hurt her. We will teach her that we are forever!!!! She was born to be ours and nothing will ever change that.
      I am thankful that we didn't know about her hearing loss in her original file, because fear of raising a child with a hearing impairment would have scared me away.... I'm sad that I felt that way, but it's true. Sometimes fear scares us from meeting new people, going to new places, experiencing many different things, and living our life as God has planned for us to. I have learned in the past 5 months that I'm stronger than I thought, and living inside my comfort zone is really not living at all......

It's April.....

My I did a horrible job blogging through the month of March. Let's see here where should I start????
let's start with Hadley's medical updates shall we? We returned to UC Children's in the beginning of March to meet with Hadley's ENT team (and I mean TEAM) this is just one of the many things to love about UC it's a interdisciplinary team effort to treat each child with the best care available. We met with her ENT MD Dr.G (for short) and as soon as he walked into our room he asked "when was your gotcha day?" I quickly responded by stating how impressed I was that he spoke "adoption lingo" and he said "well I have 2 adopted children myself" coincidence? I think not... Just an example of how detailed God really is in orchestrating his plan for our girl.... he did shed insight on the next few steps we will be taking in getting Hadley to hear and talk as soon as possible. Next step MRI of head, ear and an ARB while she's asleep for the MRI. The earliest appointment not until 4/25 which just so happens to be the same time I will be at Frontier attending Clinical Bound. Not happy about that, but my mom said she would go with Brian, so it will be okay.
   Next update...... FOOD.... our girl is still eating like a bird, with very little things on her menu. I have researched this topic and it can take months to get children to eat better. It's hard to tell what's a normal 3 year old and what's just Hadley. But, our Chinese doll loves spaghetti..........

She's also doing so good at school and with all of her therapies.... Couldn't be any prouder of our girl!!!

Hadley's 3

The plan was to have a big birthday party for our sweet girl......

Our intentions were good......Our party planning not so much...... but God knows just how to intervene when I need him to.

 Our schedules didn't leave out room for a family get together, I know imagine that right?

So during our family sweetheart dinner at my parents house we had a little cake

and although Hadley wasn't into eating any, she was definitely into playing in it

and at this point Hadley is still not comfortable with lots of people coming into our house. So maybe this summer we can do another party for her.

Look who's walking now

On Tuesday 2/4/2014, our sweet girl accomplished a major milestone. Our girl started walking unassisted. Brian called on his way home from picking her up at preschool, he was so excited. He said "Honey this can't wait until I get home, Hadley walked to the lunchroom today at school all by herself!" We were both so happy and proud. In just 2 months Hadley has learned to walk on her own, and before her 3rd birthday!!! Once they got home I waited in the kitchen and when he sat her down, she walked right into my arms. Tears of joy ran down my face, Thank you Lord for helping my girl walk!!!

I tired to upload the video, however I can't figure out how to rotate it. Oh well!!!

A new year and a new beginning

I am so happy that we traveled to bring Hadley home late in the year, actually at the best time of the year. We finished out the year as a family of 7, and we got to celebrate our homecoming with friends and family the same time we we're celebrating the birth of our savior. How perfect! God does have perfect timing! Hadley has made great progress in the short 6 weeks she's been with us, especially in the month we've been home as a complete family. We've had some doctor's appointments, and have met with first steps, and some of her therapists and I will post about them shortly. But today our girl made a big step.... a step I thought wouldn't come for quite sometime..... See she is not as mobile as most children her age, her preferred route of transportation is scooting..... She can bare weight however walking isn't happening right now, she will walk one day (hopefully sooner than later). She amazes me everyday, just the way she gets up with a smile on her face, she is such a great inspiration to me!!! I'm not sure how she is as strong as she is, and where that strength comes from. But, she is a fighter, after all all orphans are fighters or they wouldn't survive. Hadley faces challenges sometimes fearless, others day not so much. I have learned when to push her, and when not too. I have learned that sometimes when I think she can't do something she shows me she can, and I have learned that I can't put limits on her, and I won't let anyone else either.... The other children have been so good for her. We were told by many people that bringing her into our home with other little kids would be so good for her. How very true that was..... They teach her new things everyday, and they enjoy doing it. She teaches them too.

They have learned that you can love anyone that may be different from them, they don't even acknowledge that she is adopted anymore. They introduce her as their sister, and they say "she was born in China though". They don't judge with colored glasses, unlike the crazy old lady at the YMCA pool the other day (I will leave that alone for now). They have learned to be more patient, by waiting on her, and us to get her ready. They have gone to her doctors appointments, and have waited hours to get tests, and evaluations done. They have watched her come out of her shell, and she is teaching them day by day to take on their own fears and never back down...

A few weeks ago this girl couldn't and wouldn't even acknowledge the staircase, then after watching day after day her siblings running up and down the stairs so effortlessly, she walked over and up she went. Haven and Hagan waited patiently for her at the top, while I followed within an arms reach behind her biting my nails.... She took her time, and they cheered her on each step of the way....

She saw her challenge, grabbed it by the horns and rode it all the way to her victory!!!!!! She is my daughter, so brave and strong and I have a feeling this is just one of many victories coming in the next year for this little one. To God be all the Glory, for without him we would be and do nothing.

China 15, 16 and 17 "Saying Good-bye"

We were so excited and ready to go home that we were almost completely packed two days before we left. I had mixed emotions about our trip back home. The first emotion is one of fear... Fear that everything won't go smoothly and uneventful. Although Hadley is legally our daughter she is still a Chinese citizens. Until our plane touches down in Chicago we're not out of the woods. I trust that God will go before us, just as he has time and time again. We left at 5:30 a.m. on December 7th, our flight from Guangzhou to Beijing departed at 8:25 a.m. After we arrived at the airport we made our way to the ticket counter. There was a slight hiccup with my ticket, my middle name was misspelled on my ticket and it didn't match up with my passport. This was fixed by a managers approval. Then we made our way through security. This was overwhelming. Every bag was opened, scanned, and rescanned. You basically had to strip down to your underwear to get through (just kidding, but it sure did feel that way). Once we made it to the other side, we waited for half an hour until our plane left.

Brian and I must have checked, and re-checked, and then re re-checked our passports and tickets making sure there were no problems a hundred times or more.
The flight from Guangzhou to Beijing was uneventful. After we got onto the plane anyway. We each had a backpack (fully loaded), three carry-on suitcases, a baby stroller, and a child that couldn't walk independently. It was a feat, but we got it done. We were both sweating like crazy when we made it to our seats. I must have hit 20 people in the head with my backpack, coming down the isle.
The next big step was getting through security and customs in Beijing. We grabbed a bite to eat at Pizza Hut in the airport before getting through security. Our layover between flights was 4 hours. As we stood in line to go through the last security check in China I could feel my heart pounding through my entire body.... Praying Lord, please be with us. If ever I needed you it's now!!! Ask, and it shall be done..... Our passports were stamped, we were free to go home. Now just waiting for take-off.

The next emotion, saying good-bye to our sweet girls homeland..........

 I'm not sad for me, after all my dream is coming true. But sad for our girl, this is her birth country. This is where her story begins, where her only blood relatives are. Although she was mishandled, and abandoned they are still her birth family. She will never know the circumstances her parents were going through. Maybe that's a good thing, but I'm not the one who makes that judgment. When Hadley is older and asks about her family I will tell her everything we know. Though it may not be much information, she will know everything. When we made it to our gate and I saw the United Airline plane that would be carrying us home, my eyes were full of tears. Thank you God!!!

 Now it was time to pray that the smog wouldn't stop us from leaving.... you can see in the above photo that the sun was fully shining, however the smog was so thick it just looks like an orange dot....

That is a Boeing 770 taking off.............
After 13 hours of flight time, we were right above Chicago. Another step closer to home. Hadley was such a good girl on the flight, she had a fever most of the way, and she slept 9 hours at least. The last emotion was one of joy. Meeting our family at the airport. Introducing Hadley to her brothers, sisters, grandparents, uncles, and aunts that have waited on her. Oh I could barely contain myself! For years I had dreamed about this moment. Actually, when I first had the dream about adopting it was this very moment God showed me. I was carrying a little Asian girl through doors, and on the other side was my family waiting. I can't help but wonder if God had not ever shown me such a vivid dream would I have gone through it???

 Aunt Crystal wasted no time getting to Hadley. Crystal has supported me every step of the way, she actually even learned tons of sign language while we were gone. She can even sing a song with sign.

If it wasn't for our parents helping us, I don't know what we would have done. My parents kept our other children while we were gone, and that is no easy job!!! Between the four of them there were activities every single day. Brain's parents helped us with some of the travel cost, and we couldn't have traveled when we did if it wasn't for them. Jordan did all the running while my mom was working, don't know what I would have done without him either....

James and Grayson were there too, that little Grayson is a joy to be around. James is the best, although I would never tell him that!

My mom was just a little late meeting us there, but she showed up with the 3 little ones just a few minutes later.

The only thing missing was our oldest son, Hunter. His football team were playing for the State title Championship the next day, and he was part of the Pulaski County Christmas Parade. Finally this momma could exhale!!!!!
Welcome home, sweet Hadley Caroline!!!!!!!

China 14 "The China Museum"

Another day in the city, this time Helen took us to the China museum. It was built around the time the Olympics were hosted in Beijing. It was a beautiful building

It is right in the heart of this busy city.

This museum was a detailed history of China from the very beginning until now.

I wish are little ones were able to see the artifacts, especially Harrison who loves history.

After the museum we went back to the hotel and started packing....Going home in just a few more days.