March 24, 2013
During my small breaks, I mainly focus on things that really need to
get accomplished, try to spend all my time focused on the kids, spend
much needed time with my sweet husband, and cry and worry about the one
child we have that is not home yet.
Brings me to the parable Jesus taught us in Matthew, a shepherd will
leave 99 sheep to find the 1 that is lost. I guess I'm just a shepherd
searching for the one that's missing. The great news is our home study
is finally complete, approved, and on it's way back to us. From here it
will be sent with the 1-800a application through the USCIS. This next
step takes about 3 months to complete, once it's finished we will be
ready to send our dossier to China. After it arrives we will officially
have our LID (logged in date). This basically completes the main portion
of paperwork.
The referral process is a different story. Every month our agency
receives referrals, however we have yet to receive ours. It's very hard
waiting, knowing that they are coming in and that this might be the day
we have longed for. It takes me back to when Brian and I tired for
almost a year to get pregnant. Every month that passed I got more and
more discouraged. It's a hard place to be in, a place where you have no
choice but to completely trust and believe in God's plan for your
family. So as these past few months have come and gone and we still have
not received a referral, I keep turning to God. I tell myself that
Hadley was just not in the last bunch of files, maybe next time. Then
next time comes and I tell myself that again. It is so HARD, and so
DISCOURAGING! Last Monday, we didn't receive a call either. I cried the
entire drive home. I got in the car, hooked my seat belt and the tears
just flowed. No radio on, just silence....... half way home Brian called
I said no words.... just cried. He knew, and responded with "In God's
time".
So here we are today, waiting for next months referrals. However, I
know God is working. His making plans for our sweet Hadley. I'm not
doubting, I'm just inpatient.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
What's up in 2013
Starting the New year.....
January 2013
This is what I would like to get accomplished in 2013
January 2013
This is what I would like to get accomplished in 2013
- Hadley has to come home, period the end............
- Take a winter trip with my family
- Have more dates with my husband
- Spend more time with my kids, one on one
- Get away with my honey on our anniversary
- Redo the office, get it organized
- read more of my bible, I can never do enough of that
- Get together with my friends at least every couple of months
- Host a Mother- daughter luncheon this spring
- Go on a vacation with my family to a lake cabin
- Take a lot more photos of my family
- Try to exercise more
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
The Paper chase continues
This was posted originally in November 2012
Today started early for us, I was up around 5:30am reviewing for my
upcoming school assignment that is due. Brian and I dropped the kids off
and got our last form notarized, certified, and ready to go to the
SOS's office in Frankfort. After completed my school work, Mom and I
headed to Lexington to get the last reference letter certified. After
that we picked up one of my dearest friends and the 3 of us headed to
the State Capital. We did some much needed catching up about all kinds
of stuff, but mostly about sweet Hadley and how our progress is coming
along. We finished up at the SOS's office and left with the remaining 12
documents certified and Authenticated. Yeah!!!!!!!!! My smile was so
big I could barely fit into the Yaris to drive back home.
When I got back home I finished the DAP#2 package and hopefully my sweet husband will mail it to AWAA tomorrow. As I stapled the remaining paperwork together, I realized that my sweet Hadley doesn't have the slightest idea that her forever family is getting ready to bring her home. I have mixed feelings about almost every decision we have made. I'm so happy that the day I get to hold her is getting closer, but I am sad for her. You see, all though her life here will be so much better than the life she has now, it's still all she's ever known, it's her life. I pray that she is with a foster family in China, and not in an orphanage, even then I will be taking her away from the only mother she has ever known. "Gotcha Day" will be one of the best days for us, but one of her worst. I pray that God starts preparing Hadley's caregivers for the day she will meet her forever family, and I am praying that God will give Hadley comfort through this transition. I don't expect her to like me in the beginning, let alone LOVE me. It will take time for her to understand that I will love her just like Jesus loves me, unconditionally............
I would also like to just throw this out there, because this blog is
where I like to vent whether it's good or bad. This week I have been
approached by a few people with such an ignorance of adoption that I
wanted to smack them upside their heads. Now, I'm a christian. I'm not
perfect. Just being very honest.... One person approached me about our
adoption, and told me how wonderful she thought it was and how great
Brian and I were for willing to raise someone's child, and blah, blah,
blah. Then when she found out that our baby girl lives in China she
informed me that there were plenty of children up for adoption in the
U.S., and I should have gone that route instead. I simply said "Oh,
thanks for informing me of that. I had no idea you could adopt in this
country" and she just looked at me as if she didn't understand what I
said. I went on to tell her that God called me to China. I really wanted
to tell her this. "God told Noah to build a ship. How stupid would he
have been if he didn't listen and instead built a truck. Would he have
been able to drive his truck through the flood????" People kill me. Then
a few days later another lady approached me and said "Why y'all
adopting?" I replied "Cause God told us to". Then she asked "did he call
you on the phone and tell ya?" (like a true smart butt). I then said
"God call us on the phone? No, in 2012 he has the capability to text
message." She didn't say another word. That's how I deal with
stupid....... Still waiting on the HS approval, I will keep everyone
updated as things change.
P.S. please pray for Ivy Joy she has had a few new issues come up and has gone through more surgery tonight.
Paper Chase for DAP #2
When I got back home I finished the DAP#2 package and hopefully my sweet husband will mail it to AWAA tomorrow. As I stapled the remaining paperwork together, I realized that my sweet Hadley doesn't have the slightest idea that her forever family is getting ready to bring her home. I have mixed feelings about almost every decision we have made. I'm so happy that the day I get to hold her is getting closer, but I am sad for her. You see, all though her life here will be so much better than the life she has now, it's still all she's ever known, it's her life. I pray that she is with a foster family in China, and not in an orphanage, even then I will be taking her away from the only mother she has ever known. "Gotcha Day" will be one of the best days for us, but one of her worst. I pray that God starts preparing Hadley's caregivers for the day she will meet her forever family, and I am praying that God will give Hadley comfort through this transition. I don't expect her to like me in the beginning, let alone LOVE me. It will take time for her to understand that I will love her just like Jesus loves me, unconditionally............
P.S. please pray for Ivy Joy she has had a few new issues come up and has gone through more surgery tonight.
Updates are encouraging
Here is another update from November 2012.....
Well everyone, here is a run down of last week's paper chase for Hadley;
P.S. still no morning sickness, but the paper-cuts are horrible!!!!!
real quick update
- received draft of completed home study
- emailed our EA template for approval
- emailed Brian's physical form for approval
- emailed our application letter for approval
- rec'd approval for all the above
- emailed our last reference letter for approval
- Completed and sent our EA, WC, Passport copies, and our family photo pages
P.S. still no morning sickness, but the paper-cuts are horrible!!!!!
Set backs.......
Another rough patch, but we prevailed.....
November 2012,
So here it is from the top; We were gathering our paperwork to complete for our home study, we had our family interview and home inspection scheduled for Sept 8,& 9th. On September 5th I lost my job, on Sept 6th I picked up my belongings from my old job and interviewed for my new job (yeah, you heard right! I had an interview the very next day). When our wonderful social worker showed up on Saturday, I met him at the door and said "I lost my job on Wednesday, but I have already found a new one! Are we still good?" Now I say that jokingly, but the truth is I new this was going to slow us way down on our paperwork. The next week they offered me my new job, if all my background stuff checked out. Then I found out from our family coordinator that a lot of our paperwork was going to expire, because the HS wasn't going to be completed due to my job loss. Boy was I upset!!!! So the race was on to get new copies and documents and try to put the dossier together, so when I did start my new job we would have all the other papers ready to go. What's the hurry? Our dossier has got to get to China by January 25, 2013 or some of the paperwork will be expired. The HS has got to be completed and on file before we can fill out our USCIS 1-800a, and it takes up to 2.5 months to get the 1-800a back. I was afraid that I wouldn't get to start my new job until November, and that our time was running out. Oct 16th was a bad day, despite my best efforts to finalize several documents that day I came home with nothing. I fought all day on the phone with a company that owes us money desperately needed to bring Hadley home. Then after being told that I would have to drive over an hour away to get a form notarized, I broke down in the car and all my sweet husband could do was sit there. I was so ready to give up, I felt completely defeated once again. Through tear-filled eyes I looked out of the window I saw it... God showed me his plan with just a few simple words "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear." God was telling me that Hadley was closer than I thought she was.
The next day I drove the distance to get that simple form certified. As the kind lady was working on the paper I saw the posted sign that said "we do not take debit cards, and no out of town checks". I just started laughing out loud, and said you have got to be kidding me? I never carry cash, and I am most definitely out of town. The woman across the room at another desk looked up at me as if she thought I might be one of those crazy people that carriers an entire conversation on with themselves (which I do, by the way). I start digging through my purse in hope that God put money I didn't know about in there. When the lady returned with my form she smiled and said "it's on me, I will contribute to your adoption", I just started crying my eyes out as I told her thank you. Thursday, I was going over the paperwork I still needed with my mom, and she made the comment that we might not make the time line, and she wanted me to be prepared. I said "where is your faith? It's going to be fine". Friday at 4:15 I received the phone call I had been waiting on, and it was the start date for my new job. So this week I will be able to get the documents needed to complete our HS, dossier, and start to complete our 1-800a. That is 2 weeks earlier than I had hoped for. Thank you Jesus!!!!
I do want to say that since the beginning of this journey I have encounter many different emotions, opinions, advice, questions, criticism, and judgements. I say this in hopes that if someone who reads this has a dream or an idea of something great yet to happen in their life they are not discouraged, but encouraged. From the very beginning I have had many challenges, many sleepless nights, many scary what-ifs, many believers and many more non-believers. I have been loved and supported by family and friends, and I have been non supported by them too. I have been asked many questions on why, when, how, and what? There have been days when I am unstoppable, and days when I want to lay down and quit. What Brian and I are doing is not so people will think we are the "perfect" family, who have done such a wonderful service to this world. We could be no further from perfect if we tried. We are just average parents in an average house, who live in a small hometown in Kentucky. We have a tight budget, but believed that God would provide the financial means to get her home. We have no idea why God has picked us to be parents to this precious child he has chosen for our family. Hadley will not be blessed to have us, we are blessed to have her.
Although I fill out form after form, have days I want to scream, and worry about all of the things still yet to come I will not give up. I dream about what life will be like when she is finally home with us, I look over at her pillow every night while laying Haven down for bed. I look in the rear view mirror where her car seat will be, I think about teaching her about trust and love and all about the wonderful and loving God we have. I can't wait until I witness her blowing out her birthday candles, given that she has never ever had a birthday cake. They don't even know the exact day of her birth, let alone celebrate it. But mostly I think about how wonderful it will be to hold her in my arms and tell her that she is loved, loved more than she will ever know. I will tell her about all the wonderful people who helped to get her home, about the people who held fundraisers for us, the people who put money toward helping bring her home, the lady who paid for the document fee in Adair county, and all the people who pray for her safe homecoming. None of this would have been possible without God, he has done it all.
November 2012,
So here it is from the top; We were gathering our paperwork to complete for our home study, we had our family interview and home inspection scheduled for Sept 8,& 9th. On September 5th I lost my job, on Sept 6th I picked up my belongings from my old job and interviewed for my new job (yeah, you heard right! I had an interview the very next day). When our wonderful social worker showed up on Saturday, I met him at the door and said "I lost my job on Wednesday, but I have already found a new one! Are we still good?" Now I say that jokingly, but the truth is I new this was going to slow us way down on our paperwork. The next week they offered me my new job, if all my background stuff checked out. Then I found out from our family coordinator that a lot of our paperwork was going to expire, because the HS wasn't going to be completed due to my job loss. Boy was I upset!!!! So the race was on to get new copies and documents and try to put the dossier together, so when I did start my new job we would have all the other papers ready to go. What's the hurry? Our dossier has got to get to China by January 25, 2013 or some of the paperwork will be expired. The HS has got to be completed and on file before we can fill out our USCIS 1-800a, and it takes up to 2.5 months to get the 1-800a back. I was afraid that I wouldn't get to start my new job until November, and that our time was running out. Oct 16th was a bad day, despite my best efforts to finalize several documents that day I came home with nothing. I fought all day on the phone with a company that owes us money desperately needed to bring Hadley home. Then after being told that I would have to drive over an hour away to get a form notarized, I broke down in the car and all my sweet husband could do was sit there. I was so ready to give up, I felt completely defeated once again. Through tear-filled eyes I looked out of the window I saw it... God showed me his plan with just a few simple words "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear." God was telling me that Hadley was closer than I thought she was.
The next day I drove the distance to get that simple form certified. As the kind lady was working on the paper I saw the posted sign that said "we do not take debit cards, and no out of town checks". I just started laughing out loud, and said you have got to be kidding me? I never carry cash, and I am most definitely out of town. The woman across the room at another desk looked up at me as if she thought I might be one of those crazy people that carriers an entire conversation on with themselves (which I do, by the way). I start digging through my purse in hope that God put money I didn't know about in there. When the lady returned with my form she smiled and said "it's on me, I will contribute to your adoption", I just started crying my eyes out as I told her thank you. Thursday, I was going over the paperwork I still needed with my mom, and she made the comment that we might not make the time line, and she wanted me to be prepared. I said "where is your faith? It's going to be fine". Friday at 4:15 I received the phone call I had been waiting on, and it was the start date for my new job. So this week I will be able to get the documents needed to complete our HS, dossier, and start to complete our 1-800a. That is 2 weeks earlier than I had hoped for. Thank you Jesus!!!!
I do want to say that since the beginning of this journey I have encounter many different emotions, opinions, advice, questions, criticism, and judgements. I say this in hopes that if someone who reads this has a dream or an idea of something great yet to happen in their life they are not discouraged, but encouraged. From the very beginning I have had many challenges, many sleepless nights, many scary what-ifs, many believers and many more non-believers. I have been loved and supported by family and friends, and I have been non supported by them too. I have been asked many questions on why, when, how, and what? There have been days when I am unstoppable, and days when I want to lay down and quit. What Brian and I are doing is not so people will think we are the "perfect" family, who have done such a wonderful service to this world. We could be no further from perfect if we tried. We are just average parents in an average house, who live in a small hometown in Kentucky. We have a tight budget, but believed that God would provide the financial means to get her home. We have no idea why God has picked us to be parents to this precious child he has chosen for our family. Hadley will not be blessed to have us, we are blessed to have her.
Although I fill out form after form, have days I want to scream, and worry about all of the things still yet to come I will not give up. I dream about what life will be like when she is finally home with us, I look over at her pillow every night while laying Haven down for bed. I look in the rear view mirror where her car seat will be, I think about teaching her about trust and love and all about the wonderful and loving God we have. I can't wait until I witness her blowing out her birthday candles, given that she has never ever had a birthday cake. They don't even know the exact day of her birth, let alone celebrate it. But mostly I think about how wonderful it will be to hold her in my arms and tell her that she is loved, loved more than she will ever know. I will tell her about all the wonderful people who helped to get her home, about the people who held fundraisers for us, the people who put money toward helping bring her home, the lady who paid for the document fee in Adair county, and all the people who pray for her safe homecoming. None of this would have been possible without God, he has done it all.
The Room Reveal.....
I was so excited to create a new little space for my two little girls.......
We've gone PINK, I can't believe we did it. I like the color
pink, just wasn't to sure about it on the walls but I think it turned
out OK and Haven loves it. We converted her little bed into a full bed,
added stripes to her wall, and beautiful art work (thanks uncle James).
Her comforter is from Pottery Barn and I have to say that Haven did a
good job picking it out, with a little help from myself. I need to add
the painting that my brother-in-law did for the girls room.
Haven and Hadley's Room update
The official start to our Journey
I was so busy with everything that it took me months to post this in October 2012.....
I haven't had a lot of time to tell you all about our adoption progress
so here it goes.... I applied for graduate school last November in
hopes that I would get in along with my Mom, and complete my dream of
becoming a family nurse practitioner. I wasn't to hear back from them
until late March early April. April rolled around and my Mom called to
tell me that she had been placed on the waiting list, I too found out
that day that I had been placed on the waiting list. My mom was adamant
that if she got in and I didn't she wasn't going, and I informed her
that she indeed was going if I had to drive her to Hyden and drop her
off myself. Now as the deadline came closer and closer I had the feeling
that I probably wasn't going to get in. My mom found out that she was
accepted and I was so proud of her, she agreed to go without me after
much deliberation. After a lot of praying and soul searching I
decided that going to graduate school may not be the plan God had for
me. It made me really question whether or not I would have enough in me
to pursue adoption and go to graduate school at the same time. The
deadline to hear from school was two days away and I felt so much peace
about not getting in that I told Brian it was time to start the adoption
process for good. We bit the bullet this past May and submitted our
initial application to AWAA. I checked my email every minute. It took 2
days to here back from them, Brian was at work and I had just got home
from the store and was putting up the groceries when the phone rang. It
was Brian on the other line "have you seen your email?" he asked, "no,
what does it say?" I was so overwhelmed with emotion waiting to hear
that we were accepted into the adoption program. "Congrats, you got in
to school!!!". " What the @$#**$# " (sorry for the language) those were
not the words I was expecting to hear. So I am now in Graduate School
and we are going to adopt a baby. Unbelievable!!!!! The next email I got
was from AWAA and we indeed were accepted into the waiting children
program. Brian and I just can't do anything simple you know. Over the
next week or two I manage to order birth and marriage certificates, fill
out over 100 informational form, send off for our passports, contact
our social worker, send off for police records, and many more other
little details we needed to finish. So we started to get the house
ready for Hadley to come home, which was a lot of work by the way, I
haven't done a real good job of organization since going back to school
you see and the house is very lived in by 4 little people and 2 dogs.
Here is the timeline:
P.S. Sue I wish I would of told you that you have a niece being named after you, but I'm sure you know that now in Heaven.
Update on Hadley
- 05/03/2012 Submitted application to AWAA
- 05/11/2012 Accepted into program
- 05/14/2012 Sent agreement to AWAA
- 05/25/2012 "Welcome" from Aimee our family coordinator
- 06/13/2012 Orientation meeting with Harlan our social worker
- 06/13/2012 applied for passports
- 06/16/2012- 06/24/2012 Family vacation
- 07/01/2012 Preparing for home study/ gathering papers
- 07/13/2012-07/16/2012 Church camp
- 07/20/2012 received physical forms back from doctor's
- 08/2012 kids start back to school, continue to get ready for HS
- 09/08/2012 Meeting with Harlan for Family Interview
- 09/07/2012 Home Inspection with Harlan
- 10/03/2012 drove to SOS office to certify documents
P.S. Sue I wish I would of told you that you have a niece being named after you, but I'm sure you know that now in Heaven.
Another Year starts
I only took inserts from this original post...
January 2012
God's blessings for me are within my reach, all I have to do is stretch. Now I hate to stretch. For those of you who know me, I'm not the stretching kind. I like things the way they are, no stretching needed. Much to my surprise it dawned on me that that's all I have to do, my blessing is right in front of me. I just have to reach my arms out and grab it. I don't want to be the one that stands before God and hears "my child, I was right there in the pool, ready to catch you. All you had to do was jump in, and you didn't". I don't want to be the one that never did something great for God because I was scared.
So here is an update on the adoption right now. I'm am finishing this semester at both EKU and SCC in hopes of having more money and less debt. Brian and I have both really have been working hard at saving our money. Raising 4 children isn't cheap, however working extra has really started to make a difference. I have spoken with the social worker and Asian director at AWAA and they both have given us great news. Since we are open to children with different special needs and that are between the ages of 6 months and 4 years they really believe we could be matched with our child during the paper chase, which is typically 3-6 moths. This basically means we have a great chance of getting her home within 12-18 months. Wouldn't that be great? I was hoping that this past Christmas would be the last Christmas we had without her home, but I know God is in complete control of this journey. Please continue to pray for us, and if you have any extra money laying around I know just what to do with it. Blessings, Jennifer
January 2012
God's blessings for me are within my reach, all I have to do is stretch. Now I hate to stretch. For those of you who know me, I'm not the stretching kind. I like things the way they are, no stretching needed. Much to my surprise it dawned on me that that's all I have to do, my blessing is right in front of me. I just have to reach my arms out and grab it. I don't want to be the one that stands before God and hears "my child, I was right there in the pool, ready to catch you. All you had to do was jump in, and you didn't". I don't want to be the one that never did something great for God because I was scared.
So here is an update on the adoption right now. I'm am finishing this semester at both EKU and SCC in hopes of having more money and less debt. Brian and I have both really have been working hard at saving our money. Raising 4 children isn't cheap, however working extra has really started to make a difference. I have spoken with the social worker and Asian director at AWAA and they both have given us great news. Since we are open to children with different special needs and that are between the ages of 6 months and 4 years they really believe we could be matched with our child during the paper chase, which is typically 3-6 moths. This basically means we have a great chance of getting her home within 12-18 months. Wouldn't that be great? I was hoping that this past Christmas would be the last Christmas we had without her home, but I know God is in complete control of this journey. Please continue to pray for us, and if you have any extra money laying around I know just what to do with it. Blessings, Jennifer
Hadley is in everything, even Birthday wishes!!!!
I had completely forgot about this post....
August 2011
August 2011
Birthday Wish
What an awesome last year!!! I turned 33 on August 30th, and I have to
say the last year was a good one. I completed my BSN degree, Brian
started a new job closer to home, the family was mostly healthy with
only minor cuts and bruises throughout the year. I'm not saying it was a
perfect year, but I really don't have anything to complain about. I
think I have grown stronger as a child of God, and although I still have
a lot of growing to do, I feel closer than I ever have to him. This
year I worked on my birthday (something I have done in the past), so
there wasn't a party or anything like that, but it was a good day. Brian
and the kids got me a new, longer lens for my camera which was an
excellent present. On the drive home it dawned on me that I hadn't made a
birthday wish yet, now it's not a birthday without the wish. I didn't
have to think about my wish this year, it just came right to me. Now for
those of you freaking out right now because you believe if you tell
your wish it won't come true, don't worry, I don't believe in bad luck,
and I'm not superstitious. See I have something bigger, stronger,
mightier, and more powerful than those; I have an awesome GOD, and an
awesome SAVIOR that knows my name and hears me when I call. So I just
called out to them and said "Please let this be the last birthday
without her home." Now if you read this and you don't know who I'm
referring to then you don't know me as well as you think.
P.S. If anyone has any unused money laying around I will gladly put it to good use!!!
The Pre-application
So in March 2011, I finally got up enough courage to submit our pre-application
Well I just got off the phone with Aimee, the Asian coordinator at AWAA, with great news. I submitted our pre-application
on Monday afternoon. This may seem like just a small step in the grand
scheme of things, but to me nothing in this entire process is small.
They were suppose to let me know something within three days, and I can
be so inpatient. Then last night Brian informed me the agency had called
and left a message on the phone. I almost tore down our bedroom door to
get to the answering machine. I played the message 3 times before I
could comprehend what she was saying. My heart was racing and I had so
many emotions come up all at once. When I came back into the kitchen
Brian asked me what was wrong, I guess he could see something was up in
my eyes. I am known for showing my emotions through my face. I told him
nothing, that I just had stuff on my mind. He never lets up until I tell
him what's going on, but I just told him we would talk about it later.
Then later came while we were giving the kids a bath. I told him I was
worried and upset, because I didn't know what to do. I have to have a
plan for everything you see, and if I don't have a plan I get stuck. I
told him I just wanted God to come right out and tell me exactly what to
do!!! I have faith, but I need direction. I don't like the thought of
making the wrong decision, I can't handle the fact that I might mess up
such a perfect plan he has for our family. Just saying that out loud
makes tears roll down my face. When I prayed this morning I told him
"I'm so scared, Lord I don't know what to do. Please, help me." I just
have a overwhelming feeling of defeat. I'm not saying I'm giving up, I
am just saying it's so hard. All night I thought about ways I could pull
this off, I know I can, with God's help that is. Maybe this journey is
meant to be more of a blessing to me than to anyone else involved. Wow!
That's a thought. Then while I was on the phone with Aimee (AWAA)
I felt like things were going to work out. I can do this, I am going to
do this, I will not be defeated. I will prevail and just when I think I
can't, God shows me that all things through him are possible. Aimee
informed us that our application looked great!!!! Now if I can just
continue to come up with the money!
A call from AWAA
Money, Money where art thou?
February 2011
We have started the fundraising process for our adoption. I know that
God will provide a way if it is his will, and I am certain it is his
will for our family. But the flesh I am covered in is so scared. One of
my resolutions this year was to finish reading my bible, so I have been
devoting time every morning to read and reflect on God's word. It has
been a cold drink of water for my thirsty soul. It's like I start
reading and he answers my questions. Wow! How great is my God. Day one; I
asked "I don't know how we will do it" and I read Mark 4:40 ..."why are
ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?" So I know I have faith
now what? then I read Mark 9:23 "if thou canst believe, all things are
possible to him that believeth." Day 2; I know it's God's will so will
he help me? Matthew 21:22 "and all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in
prayer, believing, ye shall receive." Day 3; Why am I so scared? Matthew
14:27 " But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good
cheer, it is I; be not afraid." With everyday I read he answers my
questions, and each day brings me reassurance that God is in control of
things. That's when I'll grow, see if I never let him control my life,
my life will never be control. I am ashamed to say that I am 32 years
old and I am just now growing as a Christain. I want to do what he wants
me to do, because when I do I'm the one that receives blessings. When
people here my story of wanting to adopt I get mixed responses. Some say
"what are you thinking?", "don't you two have enough kids already?",
"whatever made you decide that?" and some say " It's so nice for you to
take an orphan in" "I'm glad there are people like you to do that." and
"Wow!, You are going to be such a blessing for that little girl." I have
mixed emotions to all the responses I get. Sometimes I want to say "
What a blessing that little girl will be in my life!" , "I am so lucky
that I have a Heavenly Father that takes orphans in too!", and " We
didn't decide this on our own, we just answered when God called." I
don't want anyone who reads this to think I am saying that everyone
should adopt, because it's not for everyone. However it is for Brian and
I. I am still scared, and a little nervous when I think about the hoops
we have to go through but I have faith that it will be ok. If God can
feed 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, he can help us with the
money needed to bring her home. I have to have faith remember I have
never flown on a plane ever, now I'm signing up for a 24 hour flight
over many miles and lots of water. If that's what I have to do to get
Hadlee home I will. I will close with this, if anyone reading this wants
to help, just pray. We will be forever thankful!!!
"Show me the money!!!"
Starting a new year
A new year begins and getting our daughter home is still on the calendar.....
January 2011
Hello everyone, sorry it's been so long since the last post. Just now
getting the routine down again from being off from school, both me and
the kids. This year is going to be a great one I'm sure!!! My
resolutions for this year are; try to finish reading my bible this year,
take the kids on individual dates, make a date night for Brian and I,
and save more money and spend less. Not difficult things to achieve just
need to stay focused. I ask for all of you to pray for my family and
"our China dream". Hope all of you make this year the best year you have
had ever.
January 2011
New Year Greetings
So tell me how you really feel?
I don't know where this came from exactly but this changed the way the Merrick's started thinking....
October 26, 2010
Dear Orphan, I saw your photo
today. You are so adorable! You're eyes are so deep and full of hope. I
love your little smile, I know it must be hard some days to find the strength
to smile. I have heard how little food you have, but you are still
willing to share with your friends. What a sweet little person you are!
But, I am writing this letter to tell you that I will not be able to
help you. You see, my family is happy with the life we are living. I
know that we could get bunk beds and you could share a room with one of
our bio kids but really, that is no life for either of you. We have so
much going on around here and life would be just too chaotic. Our
neighbors just got a new TV and game system, we really think we need to
have one too. I have a "ladies night out" next week and I have nothing
to wear. I really need to purchase a new outfit. I guess I could sponsor
you... but, it will have to wait til next month, I really need that new
outfit and my kids are dying for fast food tonight. Good luck to you!
This will not be me....... Lord I pray you give me the wisdom to do what you would have me to do. I know you will not lead me down the wrong path, and that whatever I must do you will be with me all the way. I love you, and thank you for all you done in my life.
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it, and it will be yours."-Mark11:22,24
October 26, 2010
This won't be me!
This will not be me....... Lord I pray you give me the wisdom to do what you would have me to do. I know you will not lead me down the wrong path, and that whatever I must do you will be with me all the way. I love you, and thank you for all you done in my life.
"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it, and it will be yours."-Mark11:22,24
Waiting for the PERFECT TIME........
We were waiting to submit our application until Fall 2010
Something on my mind.....
Have
you ever had an itch that you just couldn't get to? Maybe there was a
place you were in a hurry to arrive at, somewhere you had been trying to
get to for too long. Have you ever ran a race, one that you poured all
your heart and soul into, to just come up looking at the finish line but
unable to get to it? Or maybe you found the perfect little something at
the store you've been wanting and your pocket book came up just a few
cents short of having enough to but it? That's how I feel right now. I
know it's been awhile since I've posted any comments on our adoption
process, I guess I thought if I didn't write about it, it wouldn't hurt
as bad when I sit and ponder on it. I was mistaken!!! Some days I catch
myself thinking about that little girl out there more than others, but
she is always there, lurking down deep inside my heart. It's like she's
been there all along, she wants to come to the surface, but so many
things seem to get into her way. There isn't a day that goes by I don't
still see her face, hear her voice, think about how she's not here, and
ask myself how much longer. I guess it's hard to say how much longer
because I am holding the application in my hands now... I was suppose to
mail it last month, and yet here it is. I guess I'm still waiting for
the perfect moment to send it. That moment being when all the financial
worries are gone, Brian and I are finished with school, the appliances
are all working correctly, the house is cleaned and organized, the kids
aren't so busy with activities, and gas prices go down. I mean if I wait
for my life to be perfect bliss before I do this then I might as well
not bother. But see that's the thing, my life is never going to be
perfect bliss..... There will always be something not quite like it
should be, but my heart isn't quite like it should be now either. I have
a child out there that isn't with her family, I know this sounds crazy
but that's the great thing about this blog, I can write how I feel and
it makes me feel better. It makes me feel heard. I would like to ask
anyone who reads this to please pray for our family and for God's grace
to be with us through this long process. I know through him all things
are possible. The picture at the top is just the cover of our
application, we haven't been referred a child yet, just in case you are wondering.
The plan after the Storm
After our very rough spring we needed to make some very serious decisions......
May 2010
May 2010
Time for a decision
If
you read my last post you know by now all that Brian and I have been
dealing with the last 2 weeks. Now it's decision time! Some decisions we
have already made, they include Brian waiting 7 months and reapplying
for graduate school where he will finish school a year later than
original. That was an easy decision. A few other decisions; adoption
process, job opportunities, not so easy. Our original plan regarding the
adoption of a little girl from China, was to submit our paper work this
fall and hopefully travel next fall to get her ( God willing), but now
we are stuck with deciding to go ahead with our paper pregnancy or wait
another year. My heart says "go for it what are you waiting on". But my
mind says " What is best for the situation?" So I pray every night that
God would just tell me what I should do.
The next post about adoption
March 2010
This was a horrible semester for Brian at EKU, so most of my thoughts about adoption were limited to myself or my closest friends. I found that blogging about my feelings was a great outlet for me.......
Well I have a lot to be thinking about. First, one of my friends and
fellow bloggers DiJo is in China this very moment getting to meet her
third daughter for the first time. I am so happy for her and her family
to be spending time with their sweet little "Tung Tung" who we know as
Sienna. I am praying for them everyday. I know this is God's plan for
their family but it must be terrifying for any 4 year old to leave all
they've known. I pray that God will cover Sienna with a blanket of
faith, strength, and comfort during her transition. I can't help but be a
little jealous though. I know not everyone See's where I'm coming from
when I say I want to spend thousands of dollars, many months, traveling
around the world, and becoming a mother to 5 children. But I really
don't care what others think. Maybe the only way I can explain it is by
describing how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with my other
children. After the initial shock wore off I remember thinking that the
day I got to meet our baby would never come. Like a feeling of wanting
something so bad, and feeling that you are unworthy, so the bottom was
sure to fall out. Then the waiting is awful and it seems to drag on
FOREVER. Then Bamm you're in labor and you finally get to hold your baby
in your arms, and look at their precious face. I have been told that I
don't even know my daughter who is so far away and that she may not even
be real, but I know in my heart that she is. Just because you can't see
something doesn't mean it's not real, right? She is a part of my being,
just as my other children are. I can't stop thinking and worrying about
her until I have her in my arms.
This was a horrible semester for Brian at EKU, so most of my thoughts about adoption were limited to myself or my closest friends. I found that blogging about my feelings was a great outlet for me.......
Thinking out loud...
In the Beginning....
My first post about adoption December 2009.....
I always felt like adopting a child was something I was lead to do. Even
before I was a mother, I felt that adopting a child would some how
complete this void I felt inside. A child given to me by God, and
although my blood may not run through this child's veins, it's heart
would be filled with my love. I'm praying for God to guide Brian and
myself in our decision to bring another child into our home. It's such a
busy time right now with Brian and myself both in school, we both work
full time not to mention that the kids all have busy schedules too. The
thought of this idea is a lot for Brian to handle right now, but I know
this is something I must do. There isn't a doubt in my mind that God has
another child out there for me to love, I told Brian we would wait to
decide when he got closer to graduating. Lord I pray that if this is
what your plan is for us you show us the way, and place the peace of our
decision into our hearts. Jenn
Adoption
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