I don't want this to come across as a moaning and groaning post, because I am ecstatic to be getting ready to travel and get our girl home. But, I do use this blog as an outlet for my deepest thoughts and concerns, so here it goes....... Brian is finishing out his semester, all of his clinical hours are completed, he just has a few more projects and he will be done!!! Yay!!!! I will be taking two exams in the next 5 days, and completing a paper before travel (my school portal page will not be accessible while we're in China). I also have to work two more 12 hour shifts before we leave, pack for the kids, get the paperwork together, pack for three (Brian, Hadley and myself) for China. I have no time to think about what we are getting ready to experience, because it just won't fit in the schedule. Maybe that's a blessing in disguise. I'm really holding up much better than I thought I would. I've had no crying fits (or cussing fits) sorry to say that does happen when I'm extremely emotional. I'm very ashamed of this fact, but it's the truth. (I am working on it). I know I'm covered by God's grace, love and mercy and that's why I'm relatively calm right now.
So back to the updates...... Hadley's "healing Mom" is a Saint and has offered to send all of Hadley's beloved possessions with her in her own luggage (for us to bring home). This is really rare with Chinese adoptions, usually children are sent with what's on their backs and that's all. Not our sweet girl, she comes with her own luggage, who said orphans don't have anything? This is just another reminder that our girl is so special and extraordinary!!! We were also informed that our girl sleeps in a baby bed still, although she's 2 1/2 she is still not mobile (that will soon change). This is one of the unique things about our girl. I still don't want to elaborate too much on her special needs, out of respect for our sweetheart. So in order to accompany the bed issue we got out the baby bed again.....
Brian and I went to Babies R Us to get some new bedding for our girl, I thought maybe just some matching sheets. Let me say this Hadley is already a daddy's girl.... Brian bought an entire bedding set, one that matches Haven's almost perfectly. We we're glad to hear her favorite color is PINK, I knew she was my daughter. Then we got her a new car seat, not to mention we found an Asian Cabbage patch doll, can you believe that?????
Brian has shown me more about himself in the past two weeks then he has in our entire marriage. Don't think we keep our true identity hidden from each other, we are open books with one another. What I mean by that is that adopting was first placed upon my heart! Brian was very reluctant in the beginning, which is nothing to be ashamed of, adoption is not for everyone. I researched, and studied adoption for months before I brought this crazy (and awesome) idea to the table. Brian wasn't so sure in the beginning and I asked him to just pray about it and take some time with the idea. Needless to say God pull some strings and after a few months of me repeatedly bringing it up he agreed to attend a seminar on adoption. Now fast forward four years.... here we are! I didn't even ask Brian to go down and bring up the baby bed, to be honest I wasn't even thinking about the bed. He went down, brought it up, and immediately started putting it together. As I watched my husband put it together I couldn't help but think how totally brave and courageous he is for going along on this wild journey with me. I had to ask myself "if God called Brian to do something, would I be willing to go along with him?" Wow, would I? In the beginning of our marriage I wouldn't have. I'm not one for getting out of my comfort zone. That's the amazing thing about following God's plan for your family, you go places you never thought you would. Who knows you might even like it!!!
I am not naive about what is getting ready to happen. I do try to keep some of my worries hidden, but I will say I'm scared to death!!!! Scared of leaving my children for 16 days, scared of something not working out over in China, scared that I'll forget to pack something, scared of getting sick over there, scared that my mom and dad will be overwhelmed while we'll gone. But mostly scared for my sweet girl, for her heartache of leaving her family, scared for her fear of us, scared that she doesn't understand what's happening and having no way of explaining it to her. Scared for her travel to new places, and leaving her birth country. We will love her through her fear though. Over time hopefully she will learn to trust us, come to understand that we have loved her since before she was born. Most importantly come to know that because of God she was protected and cared for by wonderful people, until her forever family could bring her home.
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